regressing/acting out/behavior changes

ok, i expected d to go backwards with some things.. but its not at all what i expected... he's been destroying things... flat out ignoring me... hurting the baby.. just really out of character stuff for him... and i have no idea how to handle it... we try to keep a good balance of attention spread between the boys.. d gets to do special things just for him (the park, monster truck show, etc) because i know he sees us with the baby alot. i try to give him jobs to do to help me around the house, and he gets rewarded for good behavior. its not working though. we keep trying to be consistent, with no results. i can't leave my 4 year old alone in a room for 3 minutes. i ESPECIALLY cant leave him in a room with his brother. i don't know what to do. i'm at my wits end. some days he wakes up at 6-7am and destroys the living room/kitchen... empties entire tubes of toothpaste in the bathroom... just... senseless stuff. and being pg right now i'm afraid that it will get worse when this one gets here. so i need to fix it now... i'm taking any and all advice... so... HELP!


oh ps... at his dads they have told me they give him anything and everything he wants and anything he does is ok. i know this is part of the problem but i have no solution for that.

Umm, School /pre-school ?
more time out for you so you are better able to handle this yourself .
sounds like you are doing all the right things , but sometimes things get worse before they get better . Pick one behavioral approach and stick to it , try for a number of months . Maybe get hold of the DVD 1-2-3 magic .
talking to his Dad about setting consistent limits between both homes ..although most kids are pretty quick to realise that what they can do at one place does not mean they can at the other .
sorry , not much help here ..hope things get better for you .

omg. perfect example. i'm sitting in the chair. lil bit is standing at the ottoman less than 3 ft from me. devon is sitting next to him watching tv. he suddenly jumped up (i suspect there is some ADD or hyperactivity issues) and stood behind his brother, like he was going to hug him. he proceeded to put his 7m old brother in a headlock and pick him up like that. i was barely out of arms reach and i still had to raise my voice and jump at him (mostly reaction, but still) to get him to set him down. the worst part is lil bit is getting so used to this behavior it doesnt even upset him anymore. i dont want one of my kids to think it is ok to treat people this way, and i dont want the other to think its ok to be treated this way. and i'm not even sure he did it maliciously. he said "you are going to jail" when he did it. like he was pretending. he didnt squeeze tight and he didnt sling him around... he's not always "innocent" when he does these things, but i'm not sure about this one. we've tried explaining that he could really hurt his brother but he doesnt get it. he was in daycare/ preschool until a month or two ago but his dad stopped paying for it.. we have alot of issues right now. the first being his lack of involvement in d's discipline, and the fact that daycare is the ONLY thing he paid for and he hasnt been... idk i'm going to lose it though.

I don't have much advice except that you and Jer need to get on the same page with discipline. If you can.

omg. he just made my head spin. he was acting totally normal.. "i need go pee". ok, go pee. he goes into the bathroom. i hear him open the toilet. he stands there a few seconds. then he runs from the bathroom to the kitchen and back. then says he peed on himself. instead of peeing in the toilet he peed all over my bathroom and kitchen floor. seriously. wtf. we were in the middle of coloring a picture. and he was setting up a puzzle for me to do with him. WTF.

Ditto what Fae and Mear said about the discipline thing. I don't know if Hangers has had a lot of luck with that, but that may be something you can ask her about.

The question I have (in regard to the destruction) is, would there be any way to confine him to one room or area until you wake up?

It's what we have to do with C. She's just (still...at 4 years old ) a one-girl wrecking machine. There are other reasons too, but that's a biggie. We had to put one of those door handle covers on the inside of her door, so she doesn't let herself out.

In her room: nothing but her and her brother's bed. And I mean N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

About the peeing...C used to do that too. Unfortunately, the only thing that ended up working (after stickers, treats, special activities, etc. for actually going) was spanking. I hated doing it (it never worked on me or my sisters, so I think of it as pointless harm, if that makes sense), but it worked like a charm for her.

def no way to confine him, unless i put a lock on his door, which would still be difficult cause the townhouse we are looking at has a jack and jill style bathroom. he can completely remove the doorknob covers and can take down a baby gate, and he has been able to since he was 1.5.... so i would have to lock both doors. plus i'd be afraid to have his door closed cause his brother is in there with him so whether or not he would hurt him intentionally, i'd be terrified he'd do SOMETHING... and i think he would FREAK out cause he's a scaredy cat and wakes me up 38743824897 times a night to tell me a monster is in the room.

i have tried to get jeremy on the same page... but we never really were together with the discipline thing. i was always the bad guy... the mean parent... and him and his mom have always given him the world. its also frustrating because he tells me he doesnt want to come to my house. i know that in time that will change because he will respect me and my boundaries, but it makes me sad that my baby doesn't want to come to my house because i won't let him walk all over me. BLAH...

the peeing thing... i was in the middle of eating my freaking dinner when he did it. and so i was even angrier (i'm preggo on top of everything else and handling that in the middle of eating would have normally turned my stomach anyway. GAH)... so i told him to get in the bathroom... cleaned the kitchen floor (left him standing there wet... didnt talk to him or look at him... i was honestly afraid of what might come out of my mouth if i did...) then cleaned the bathroom floor... then ran him a bath. told him to strip and get in himself and that if he made another mess on the floor i was canceling him bday party. washed my hands and went in the living room and finished eating. when he was done he called me. told me he had washed himself... he picked up the bath stuff out of the tub, i dried him off, he sat on the potty then brushed his teeth... when we got back in the living room he apologized to me for peeing on the floor. he said it in a full sentence, and since i'm the only one here i know no one prompted him...

and then 10 minutes later, while still acting sweet, preceeded to take a toy from his brother, hit him intentionally in the face with it, and then stomp on his little fingers. I DONT GET IT! the crazy thing is i know he loves him!!! when we pick him up from his dads the first thing he asks me is if he can hold "my baby matthew"... he loves to hold him and make him laugh and play with him... its like flipping a switch. i can't even get a handle on it. its honestly disturbed me enough that i feel like i should seek some sort of therapy for him but i don't know where to start! i'm going to ask his doctor at his next appointment but thats not until apr 12!!!! BLAH.

i mean, do you think i'm overreacting? or does this sound like normal behavior??? i thought it was my hormones at first but even his dad complained a little last week about devon's attitude at times....

Poor c0wg1rl. Just keep calm and consistent.

lol. i'm eating a huge bowl of ice cream and watching one born every minute.... my baby will be home soon!

ADHD? one of my friends suggested this...

who is cowgirl?

Dictionary.

who is Noodle?

c0wg1rl wrote:

ok, i expected d to go backwards with some things.. but its not at all what i expected... he's been destroying things... flat out ignoring me... hurting the baby.. just really out of character stuff for him... and i have no idea how to handle it... we try to keep a good balance of attention spread between the boys.. d gets to do special things just for him (the park, monster truck show, etc) because i know he sees us with the baby alot. i try to give him jobs to do to help me around the house, and he gets rewarded for good behavior. its not working though. we keep trying to be consistent, with no results. i can't leave my 4 year old alone in a room for 3 minutes. i ESPECIALLY cant leave him in a room with his brother. i don't know what to do. i'm at my wits end. some days he wakes up at 6-7am and destroys the living room/kitchen... empties entire tubes of toothpaste in the bathroom... just... senseless stuff. and being pg right now i'm afraid that it will get worse when this one gets here. so i need to fix it now... i'm taking any and all advice... so... HELP!


oh ps... at his dads they have told me they give him anything and everything he wants and anything he does is ok. i know this is part of the problem but i have no solution for that.

In all honesty, look at all the change he has been through in the past year. That's probably where the majority of this stems from, Ash. Kids need stability & structure. It's most likely his way of acting his frustration out.

c0wg1rl wrote:

ADHD? one of my friends suggested this...

Absolutely not. I'm no doctor, but I think blaming it on ADHD is an easy way out. He's looking for attention. Something is seriously amiss. Again, he has been through way more changes than an average kiddo. How much time does he get to spend with just you, alone?

Noodle wrote:

c0wg1rl wrote:

ADHD? one of my friends suggested this...

Absolutely not. I'm no doctor, but I think blaming it on ADHD is an easy way out. He's looking for attention. Something is seriously amiss. Again, he has been through way more changes than an average kiddo. How much time does he get to spend with just you, alone?

that's a good point...when we had kid2, wifey would take kid1 to the park, grocery store, bank, etc...just the two of them...to have the "special" time...

and we still do that now...with their sports activities now, it could be me or wifey going to their basketball/soccer gamesto have one-on-one time...

Me alone? Not much. I mean, we do things with him but the baby is always there. Like probably an hour or so a day when the baby is napping we play together. But thats really thr only time hes not there. They have the same bedtime and all so idk. I dont really think its adhd and even if it is i dont think i would want him medicated for it. I got him a leaspter 2 for his birthday and that has kind of cut back some of the issues because when he starts getting crazy and i cant do anything with him at the moment he plays that.. it also seems to have been about the same time his dad and his gf got back together. They have him call her mom so i dont know if that is confusing him or what but i just dont really know what else to do. I just want him to be sweet again. Lol

dont want to add fuel to the fire but I think it's messed up they have him calling the gf "mom"

is he living with them now?

100% agree with forrest

No time is about 50-50. I think its messed up too but ive said something about it a million times and it never changes. It also annoys the shit out of me when he gets in trouble over here that he tells me he wants his dad or his mawmaw or his other mom because he doesnt get in trouble over there. And the bed wetting has been getting worse. Found out they have been putting my 4 yo in pull ups at night again. Im not sure what to do about any of it though.

We have only 1 vehicle right now so i am not really sure how we could make more alone time with our schedules. We are getting a second one in the next month or two and i think we are trying to put him in tball this summer so hopefully that will help. Blah. Just frustrated about all of it. Lol